Strong women

Took this about 5:30 this morning overlooking our balcony toward the northeast. Once in awhile you capture a good shot. 

We had an active weekend with our youngest grandsons visiting Friday for an over-nite, a wonderful dinner guest on Saturday evening followed by an over-nite with our sweet Shannon, listening to her music, playing UNO cards and building with magni tiles.  These little boys are constantly on the move and conversational at all times.  The smallest of the two is now walking with that stiff legged, sturdy stride and running with abandon and full of mischief, generally disregarding all instructions.  Further I only wish I could speak with the diction and complete pronunciation of his older brother.  A friend noticed us walking outside his window.  "I am Paxton Peter Kocsis" he announced his name. They both say Hi to all the passersby to the delight of the cast of characters that live here. I know, many of us have grandchildren and we all find them fun and fascinating, but I had to share.

My lovely and resourceful wife Judy bathes and grooms Shannon every weekend.  Many times this involves a haircut.  With Shannon's African hair, learning to do this effectively took many tries to clip it into an attractive natural style that she finds comfortable.  At the end of the effort, she is beautiful after all the other trims and moisturizers and lotions.  Conversely when I bathed her before work, picture a car wash and dry, a shoddy effort at best.

Now my sweet daughter is 4'8" and out weighs Judy by at least 20 lbs.  She can ambulate with some help, but is not steady on her feet even with a walker.  My amazing spouse has taught her to hang on to the correct bars in the bath to get in the tub for a shower and shampoo.  This is a truly strong woman that I love and admire.

I am acquainted with a woman in our building that lost her daughter thousands of miles away to the corona virus.  The young woman thought she had a cold and was found in her bed.  I see our neighbor and she is soldiering on through her life not knowing when she will be able to return to England to pay final respects to her daughter.  She and I talk about cooking and nutrition and health in general.  Probably for her own therapy, she does circuits around our building striding with intensity.  No quitter she.  Again a strong woman.

Encountered one of our residents struggling through the door with a cane and four wheeled grocery cart.  This person is most likely a stroke victim with one side of her body affected.  As I helped her on her way, I thought of all she is going through and doing it with little help. Frankly, I cannot figure out how she would get through the door  and proceed.  In a similar circumstance, I might say fuck it, not do anything and succumb.  Another strong woman.

We can learn strength from sturdy women.

all for now

stay safe

Father's Day post mortem

This is a photo of a much younger me (with brown hair) with the kids when they were on the verge of becoming smart asses. Also pictured is our beloved Lab, Sally.  She lived to the ripe old age of 15 and was completely nuts until she was 10.  My 125 pound father could never pet her because her excitement would bowl him over.  Sally would routinely test the electric fence we installed to check of it was still functional.  The collar around her neck would send her a signal before she got zapped.  However, when the battery ran down after her frequently testing, she would saunter off down the street, not running but at a stroll.  Many times to be returned by some passerby that would see the name and phone on the collar. 

This father's day I longed to remember my own father in more detail.  I remember standing in the unemployment line with him when he got laid off from Fords.  Clearly remember a black man pushing a large wide broom across the tile floor at the office and sound it made.  I remember his devastation at my sister Pam's passing and his struggle to function afterward.  I remember him dancing with our mom Dorothy at weddings we attended. They would glide across the floor as one person, each sensing the others next move.  I cannot remember the sound of his voice or the cadence of his speech.  I wished I could have been a better baseball player for him, now realizing that poor vision in one eye hampered my depth perception and my ability to hit the ball.  I believe he taught me to be a good husband.  When we were alone he told of his business trips and that being true to your wife was paramount in importance.  Eddie did his best for us.  He gave his paycheck to Dorothy every week.  She managed the finances, and wisely so. Wish I could hear his voice in my head.

Back to the present, I had a wonderful day with Shannon and all her movies followed by an inspired cooking session with Katey making extraordinary shrimp tacos.  I have to make these.  The spicing and texture was perfect.  My daughter is the antithesis of her youth.  Her apartment is CLEAN! and organized. She washes dishes and has actual food in her refrigerator.  This is the first time we have spent time together alone and with conversation in a long time.  Truly a gift.  I felt loved. My boys called and texted me with well wishes for the day as well.  A good day.

Sorry for all the rambling in this entry.  Sometimes thoughts and memories come pouring out like water from the faucet.  No politics today

all for now

stay safe

New family member

This is our newest family member, Simon.  He is a pleasant fellow that fit right into Andrew's household and an easy buddy for Elijah and Marie.  Curious but laid back characterizes his personality.  At nine weeks old he needs to fatten up due to being the runt of the litter, pretty tough to compete for your meals.  We welcome him into the fold. 

Earlier in the week, spent a fun evening with my boys at Andrew imbibing and watching Da 5 Bloods, Spike Lee's latest.  The kitty sat next to Andrew and remained calm throughout the loud talking and the noisy war movie on the screen.  He was a good choice.

We watched The Last Black Man in San Francisco last evening, at least part way through.  The characters were believable and the plot made sense.  Loved the way they put segments of Joni Mitchell and Jefferson Airplane songs in key spots.  But, language and dialect were a problem as well as the voices in whispered tones.  Listening with old white man's ears causes one to miss some of the on screen conversations.  Language is a continuing problem as we try to move toward understanding each other.  Not insurmountable but will take work in both sides to solve it.

Eli came for an afternoon visit yesterday and Judy found a film for kids his age 9-11 that was both scary, a good story and a perfect adventure.  It is called The Spiderwick Chronicles.  Made in 2008 it stars Freddy Highmore (the younger version).  I was really entertained with the whole cast especially Dame Joan Plowright as Aunt Lucinda.  If you have a batch of bored kids on your hands in the upcoming rainy days, strongly recommend this one.

Forty-five is having his first indoor campaign rally in Tulsa OK today mere blocks from the site of the massacre of 1921,  a racial attack that cost 300 black lives and massive property destruction, never heard that in American History class.   From state officials to Dr. Fauci, have said the indoor mass meeting is a bad idea with the covid-19 pandemic in full swing.  Masks will be offered but not used.  Everyone with be breathing and spreading aerosols throughout the building.   An then, and then taking their possibly infected bodies out in the community to further spread the virus.  Further those with the president and those opposed are parked in close proximity to each other.  Shop windows are being boarded up.   I fear the outcome to this event will not be good.

Also, let us not forget that there are still children in cages at the border,  now all but forgotten, 

all for now

stay safe

There were helicopters overhead

We were watching the news and the sameness of it all was wearing on.  Annoying helicopters were circling the area.  Told Considine they were coming for him to collect back taxes.  Looking online we found that there was to be a BLM march starting at the high school which is a block away.  We made our way through the gaggle of seniors waiting on mail in the lobby to find out what was happening.  The crowd in the picture was the first thing we saw. 

We decided to join the effort.  Mind you, I haven't been in protest march since the 70's.  Mostly young people of every hue all were marching united for justice for people of color.  We took over Catalpa and marched chanting "this is what democracy looks like" toward Woodward,  crossed this major highway and took over the northbound side, marching and chanting, no cars, just us.  In fact, we knelt on Woodward in a moment of silence for those who perished in the struggle, in the middle of the street.  It's hard to describe what I felt at that moment, uplifted, a bit hopeful and for me, moving toward redemption.

Due to a concerted effort by our police department and city administration and the organizers, we were kept safe.

All the neighborhoods we marched thru were extremely supportive and all ages were out there watching.  Needless, to say, Judy and I were the oldest ones in the crowd soldiering on thru the 4 mile trek.

At the end, we heard speakers from the group, notably for me was my brave and honest wife.  At first she said that this was personal. and that we need to get this fixed before our grand kids come of age.  Elijah will be a teenager with attitude someday soon.  We don't want him accosted by police or anyone else because of the color of his skin.  I met one young black man who spoke so eloquently off the cuff, I was thrown off guard.  His name is Nicholas.  Thanked him for his words. 

I do not know where we go from here.  Learning and listening is the key.  I am hopeful the generation represented in these young people can cast out all the untruths my generation and those before put upon them.  For me, I will listen more, talk less and hope for redemption.

stay safe

all for now

Some life changing events

Sunrise on the Atlantic, Pompano Beach FL, February 2020.  A lot has changed since I took this picture.  The corona virus had just reared it head in China the prior month.  Our government's reaction was muted at best. George Floyd was still walking around living his life and I was enjoying the sunshine and the beach taking long walks along the intercoastal waterway, stopping to photograph the scenes around me.  It was a time for looking within and feeling the moments.  Again, John, maybe meditation.  We came home, went to Jersey for our annual outing, spent my last time with Nunzio and the others.  Then a birthday arrived, 70 which my younger self never thought I'd see. At the end of that week, our world was upended.  The virus was spreading rampantly and Michigan at the wise stewardship of our governor, shut down and we stayed inside and ate at home.  We are now moving our of our lock down condition with some trepidation. 

On June 19th 1865 the Emancipation Proclamation which had been issued on January 1, 1863 was read to enslaved African Americans in Texas by Gordon Granger.  It was over 2 years since Lincoln had issued his proclamation and these were that last enslaved Americans to be freed.  Now this day is known as Juneteenth.  We were never told this in American History in high school.  I did not know the significance of this date.  Again, I am ashamed for my lack of knowledge.  I suspect that many of the readers of this posting did not know if it either.

The protests of George Floyd's murder have continued with all ethnicities participating.   As we watch this ensuing, I hope we can look within ourselves and lay bare our racist thoughts and prejudices. I know this has affected me profoundly.  I am trying to cast off my history and that of my extended family to come to understand why my feelings are racist at times.  Even though disgusted with myself,  those feelings need to be cast out. 

If you have Netflix, please take the time to view Just Mercy with Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx.  It is a very telling tale about our justice system as it pertains to black men.  Also consider Selma,  looking back at a dark time in our history and the political leaders of the time.  It documents the March over the Edmund Pettus bridge by Dr. King and his freedom fighters in 1965.  He was only 39 at the time of his assignation,  the age of Andrew my son. 

Seeing all this, as well as my night with the homeless men at St. Dennis Church, seeing Shannon for the first time as a baby, my marriage and all my children and grandchildren changed me. 

Look in the mirror.

stay safe

all for now 

So I started writing Saturday morning

I am trying to think if this is meditation.  On our balcony listening to silence and birds singing with a few cars going by.  Listening and noticing my surroundings.  Shannon is in the living room watching Beauty and the Beast for the umpteenth time.  Joanne Worley plays a talking chest of drawers, wondering what ever happened to her. 

Was moved last night by Corey Booker, the hopeful warrior.  We need hopeful leaders like Corey and because of his statements, I am getting closer to understanding black man's rage, not there but closer.  He describes his reality.  He cannot walk down the street in the dark even though he is a US Senator and a Rhodes scholar for fear of being accosted by law enforcement for being in an inappropriate place in the evening.  I have permission to walk down any street regardless of the hour without fear of the same treatment.  This is my grandson Elijah.  I love him and all my grandchildren with all my heart and would lay down my life for any of them.  He is10 now and some day will be a smart assed teenager with a smart mouth.  I am concerned for his future because of the color of his skin.  I don't want him harmed in any way by police or racists or anyone else for that matter. 

The Senator's rage comes off his verbal battle with Rand Paul on the Senate floor over anti-lynching legislation.  Mr. Paul's was the sole dissenting vote that held up the passing of the bill. Due to the prior discussion, his voice trembles as it shakes telling of his life's stories.  He would have made a good president.  He ran out of money to run his campaign effectively.  Truly a smart, articulate man, the Senate needs him.

Corey was on Stephen Colbert's show a few days prior along with Brian Wilson singing "God only knows".  His voice was poignant and telling of all he's been through.  My heart breaks a little for him.  His was the music of my youth and what we 16 year olds in 1966 hoped our future would be, California girls, blond hair and the ocean.

This morning Shannon woke me up at 4am all distraught and crying but ok after her movies were turned on.  Toy Story, the Lion King, and of course B and the B.  I know all the songs, dialogues and characters, could probably be in the stage play myself playing all the parts.  She is chatty as ever telling me the many ideas she has repeated many times before. 

Friend Considine and I have been discussing events of the day over coffee in the mornings.  For instance, one black family moves next door and everyone is welcoming, no threat. "I can play nice and adhere to my supposed liberal and accepting views".  Joined by others, the for sale signs go up.  Wrap your head around that.  Interactions decrease. us and them attitudes emerge.  All this side taking has to stop!

Had a wonderful visit with son Jon and wife Kelly at their home in Highland.  My grandsons Paxton and Everett are a complete delight.  Both were painting rocks with their mother's direction and thought it would be a better idea to paint each other.  Everett's legs were covered in red paint and it looked like wounds.  I had to keep taking a double take.  Paxton is now riding his peddle bike with proficiency.  Their little smiles brightened our day.  These are careful but relaxed parents delighted in their children. 

all for now

stay safe

No Pictures Today

Events of the past few days have prompted this entry.  The senseless killing of an unarmed man law enforcement in Minneapolis has shocked and angered many of us.  I have racked my brain for a reason that this might be acceptable behavior for anyone sworn to protect the public safety of any community. 

In some small way it hark ens back to 1996 when I was carjacked at 3 in the afternoon on a sunny June day across from my employer's location.  I was not grievously injured in the attack but after the guy hit me with my keys balled up in his fist shattering the orbital bone in my eye leaving my a bloody mess and I realized that this event could end badly for me.  My car had an entry code and the guy said, "give me the fucking code or I will kill you".  I pleaded "please don't kill me, I've got a lot of kids".  Anyway they drove off and left me alive but bleeding.  When the car was gone, I was glad I wasn't run over.  I stress that the gravity of my incident pales by comparison to what happened to Mr. Floyd.

This poor man was apprehended by authorities on a fraud charge.  He was handcuffed and put on the ground.  Then an expressionless officer leaned on this neck, cutting off his airway.  At some point Mr. Floyd must have thought that he was going to be killed, really not knowing way.  Pleading for his life did not deter his captor from shutting down his ability to breathe and he succumbed to his captors. If someone that is subdued says "please let me breathe", regardless of their crime, human decency should dictate some manner of release. To put it in the simplest of terms, I expected my assailants to threaten my life. Mr. Floyd's pleas that fell on deaf ears for his life were ignored by the officer sworn to protect the public. 

Racial animus runs rampant in this country.  We can blame it on a variety of factors from poverty, lack of employment opportunities and a broken educational system.  Racism is systemic in our society going back for generations.  It seems that our diverse country has never got comfortable with living with one and other.  African Americans do not trust that white folks have their best interest in mind with good reason.  The have been shit on by Caucasians for a long time.

We live in a diverse building.  In this time of pandemic, we really cannot sit down together and talk aside from a quick greeting.  And we really do not know each other. Hopefully after this lock down is lifted, we can again speak again in a less restrictive manner.

I am quite concerned about what we do moving forward.  Truly, I believe we do not know how bad it is to be black in America.  And we will never know that or understand this fact of life.  Have all white people been perpetrators of racism in our country.  Yes at least in part in my belief.  We have to embrace this and understand it before we can move ahead for our grand children so all of them can inherit a better America.

This post took me three days to compose.  So please excuse the choppiness.  As always, these are my feelings and opinions and I appreciate your patience.

all for now

stay safe